How often do you feel like a bride? This question
has a tendency, for me at least, of producing a naturally
recoiling reflex of indignation when it's seemingly aimed
at the core of my manhood. Yet, it is in actuality, the single most
important ingredient of not only my manhood, but of my marriage. As a
Christian, I must share the role of bride with my wife, and as a Christian must
take the role of groom in my marriage. It seems a strange union of roles, but
the union is not only unique in view of today's societal norms, or rather
abnorms, but essential towards a God centered plan for marriage. I may need, at
this point, a place of shelter or retreat before sharing that a woman does
not share the same dualistic role. Biblically she is a
bride and again a bride. Still, we both share the responsibility of
submission to Jesus, our Christ and groom. "For
this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but
I speak concerning Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:31-32 Not
only is this a vertical submission, but a horizontal submission. "Submitting your selves one to another in the
fear of God. Ephesians 5:21." Before
going to verse twenty two, it should be clear that the submission path runs
both ways, not to mention that it should be and is a fearful
consideration in God's eyes. Most of us will immediately align our
own thinking of submission to the more common act of yielding to an
authority, a bitter pill for not only women but also to men. We often forget
that it is also an acknowledgement of inferiority or dependence; humble or
suppliant behavior, a confession of a fault or error, or
of obedience, compliance with the commands of a superior or how about a
simple resignation or yielding of one's own prideful will to another. This is
where I have to consider that I might not always be right.
"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as
Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the church.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ , so the wives to their own
husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:23-24
This is where we lose most of
the ladies. Still, regardless of today's modern version of womanhood, there it
is. We teach our young ladies not only that they can be anything they want but
that there are no limitations as to what they can attain. My question is,
and this is for everyone, can I be whatever I want? Can I purpose my life in a
fashion as to disregard boundaries or limitations? "Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ?" I have to keep bringing it
back to Jesus before I can address these questions. How have I, exactly,
submitted my self to Him? "Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for
it." Does my wife have a groom as does the church? Have I given
myself for my bride? Did Jesus promise a big paycheck and a big house with all
the material luxuries of the day or did he understand what his bride
really needed? I don't know a woman that doesn't want a Jesus groom
in her life. Can I give myself for my bride like Jesus did for his? "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a
glorious church, not having a spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should
be holy and without blemish." This is the point where
many men willingly give up the ship. This is where many cease to be
men, let alone the groom. If submission doesn't come first
to Christ, manhood disappears into the fashion of the day and becomes
unrecognizable. Do I , first of all, love my wife as Christ loved the church?
This is agape love, unconditional all encompassing love, and needs a bit of
exploring, but hang in there. It's worth the time. Remember, "For this a
great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church".
Part 2
Ephesians 5:25-26 "Husbands, love your
wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he
might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he
might present it to himself a glorious, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish."
I could be wrong here, but I
think every man that explores this portion of scripture is going to find
himself wanting. I love my wife more than anyone in this world, and still I
find myself wanting. This is going to be one of those "Not as though I had
already attained, either were perfect" moments, but we still must press
on. This scripture points to a tremendous amount of accountability. I love but
do I sanctify, cleanse, present my wife as holy and without blemish? Do I
forgive my wife as Jesus forgives, or is the dirt reserved for more
opportune moments? Am I content with the "sin no more" but can't
seem to follow through with the "as far as the east is from the west
part." Do I cover my wife as Christ covers me? Am I her shelter
and shield? Am I as private and personal and open as Jesus is in her
prayer closet? Can she trust me like she does Jesus? Do I pray over her like
Jesus prays for his bride? If I fall short on any of these, can I present her
as glorious, holy, and without blemish? Can I love her as Jesus loves his
bride?
"So ought men to
love their wives as their own bodies." It seems like the golden rule should
be sufficient here, but it too falls short because we've brought self into the
picture which falls miles short of agape love. I know it sounds like a trade,
"he that loveth his wife loveth himself". After all one commonly
thinks we always love ourselves, but that's rarely true. The more I try to
separate myself from sin, the more the revulsion and the greater
the disappointment in myself at my failures. And yet, to understand
grace, is to know where we came from, and also to know who we are in Christ. I
know myself and I know that until I can truly love my wife I can only have a
self- love. That I can selflessly love my wife is essential if we are
ever going to love our brother. The church is doomed to failure and
stagnation, not to mention hopelessly superficial if we stumble from the
outset.
"For no man
ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the
Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his
bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother , and they
two shall be one flesh." A man can crush his wife, but only to his
own destruction, because we very much are, indeed, one flesh. If this
concept is difficult for you, I recommend hitting your thumb with a hammer
a couple of times or as many as needed to make the light come on.
"This is a great
mystery: but I speak concerning the church. Nevertheless let everyone of you in
particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife that she reverence
her husband."
So, there's reverence at the
end of the story? ............... I'll let my wife tackle that one.
Part 3
If you read the first two segments
and are thinking "What a spineless wimp, he passed on the
"reverencing your husband", you're absolutely right. I did mention
the submission thingy though, for clarification on the groom's part in
reference to his being part of the bride [church], and feel confidant that that
was enough to leave some howling. I wasn't silly enough to say something silly
like estrogen running the church.
The whole point of bringing up
the dualistic role of men as bride and groom, church member and husband,
is that we have so many dysfunctional marriages today, and an appalling
lack of manhood, if not misunderstanding. A healthy, manly leadership
is absent in the home turning the churches into a dumping ground of
societal relevance instead of biblical order. In point of fact, we the men, are
at all points in our society being neutered and properly trained to tuck tail
and step out the role God intended. If you're thinking church should fix that,
good luck finding a pastor or board that hasn't already been neutered. It
starts with submission, but in the right direction. God set the order, how
about trying a proper submission to the real groom, our model, as hard as it
may be to follow, and purpose to present our bride glorious, not having spot or
wrinkle, holy and without blemish, joined unto our wives as one, humbled by
Christ's example as shepherd, shield and protector, in the path of salvation to
our Holy God.
If my understanding is
correct, not withstanding the many role's played out in the church, ours
the fathers, are the ones to be held to the fire [accountable] before God for
setting our order and will against His.
